Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
