she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
