I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Randomize
