i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
