Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
