i just had sex bonerless
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
