Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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