I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
