there was a trapeze. enough said
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
