this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
