I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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