I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm jealous of your bromance
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
