I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
