i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
