it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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