Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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