Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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