shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
