Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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