I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize