she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
