I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize