captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
