my vag is so smooth its legendary
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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