You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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