Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
