I think my fart just growled at me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
