Sry I called you an 8
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
