I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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