Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
