Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize