we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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