Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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