I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
