You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
