I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
