i was born a porn star she said
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
