We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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