I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
