Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
