I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
