so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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