I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
