I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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