Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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