Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
