You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
