I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
