the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
