I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
