Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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