i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize