(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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