Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
