You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
