I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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