The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
