nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We are two peas in an std pod
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
