Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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