I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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