So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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