so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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