Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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