kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
