drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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