Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
