His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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