What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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