there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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