I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
