A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
