oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
