fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
