i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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