hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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