Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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