I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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