we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
