babies were throwing up all over the place
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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