so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
