my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
