You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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