Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize