You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
