I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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