Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize