i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
