It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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