No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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