This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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