so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
