how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
