if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my liver is dry heaving
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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