My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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