Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
