this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
