big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
