This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
